Thursday, February 26, 2009

Just in From Mrs. Gotō Yōko, Middle-aged Housewife in Saitama


Apparently unaware that my test was last month, Mrs. Gotō Yōko, middle-aged housewife in Saitama, today sent me the following correspondence. She gives some pretty sound advice, so if anyone has a written exam in Japanese coming up, I suggest you read her words carefully.
Beholdmyswarthyface君、

こんばんは。元気?いよいよ受験日が迫ってきたよね。大丈夫かな?そっちの研究室を調べたけど、とても良さそうなところで、Beholdmyswarthyface君には合っていると思うよ。

筆記試験の経験がないから心配だと君は言っていましたけど、あたしが思うには、次の三つの項目を覚えておけばきっと大丈夫でしょ。

1.まず、受験の時に思い出せない漢字があれば、他の表現にすること。

2.いつも読んでいるような難しい本の文章や文体を真似しないこと。友達へのメールを書いているかのように明確なアイデアを単純な言葉で簡潔に伝えれば十分。

3.特定の作品についてあえて具体的に書かないこと。なぜなら、具体的な話になるとさまざまな名前・作品名・場所の名前などを書かざるをえないから、最も曖昧に答えられそうな質問を択ぶことが大事だ。たとえば、「小説という概念は言語や民族を超えて普遍的なものといえるのか」みたいな質問があれば、それを選んでください。

それじゃ、頑張ってください。埼玉から応援していますから。

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

きついね、このババ

Anonymous said...

Apparently unaware that nobody gave shit about him, Beholdmyswarthyface continued to post boring articles about his life and interests.

-Ian Hogarth

Dr. Slovin Bolzak, Phd said...

Dear Beholdtheswarthface.com blog,

In my country we too study from literature. I send you my blog called Louis Adamic's big discoveries.

"From Mount Hollywood, Los Angeles looks rather nice, enveloped in a haze of changing colors. Actually, and in spite of all the healthful sunshine and ocean breezes, it is a bad place - full of old, dying people, who were born old of tired pioneer parents, victims of America - full of curious wild and poisonous growths, decadent religious cults and fake science, and wildcat enterprises, which, with their aim for quick profit, are doomed to collapse and drag down multitudes of people ... a jungle".

- quoted in McWilliams, Louis Adamic, pp 80-81.

Thank you for your reading. I hope you find this relevant to your study. Thank you.

Ryan said...

Dr. Bolzak,

I thank you. Of particular relevance was the phrase "full of curious wild and poisonous growths."

Dr. Vladimir Kutznutzov said...

He of Swarthy Face,

If only you had heeded my similarly sound advice and joined me in the ranks of physical therapists. Were you one, you might not need to do that incessant, unnecessary stretching when you're out drinking.

Dr. Vladimir Kutznutzov

Ryan said...

Dr. Vladimir Kutznutzov,

The stretching of which you speak is at times cessant and always necessary.

Lucky said...

Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast hell to heaven so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labors of men that as a result of the labors unfinished of Testew and Cunnard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labors of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicillin and succedanea in a word I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell fades away I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per head since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per head approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labors lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and then the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas in the year of their Lord six hundred and something the air the earth the sea the earth abode of stones in the great deeps the great cold on sea on land and in the air I resume for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis the facts are there but time will tell I resume alas alas on on in short in fine on on abode of stones who can doubt it I resume but not so fast I resume the skull fading fading fading and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis on on the beard the flames the tears the stones so blue so calm alas alas on on the skull the skull the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the labors abandoned left unfinished graver still abode of stones in a word I resume alas alas abandoned unfinished the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the skull alas the stones Cunard (mêlée, final vociferations)
. . . tennis . . . the stones . . . so calm . . . Cunard . . . unfinished . . .

Ryan said...

Nancy Cunard's Negro: an Anthology?