Friday, February 13, 2009

Update, Anecdote, and Letter Just In From Mother


I try to keep this blog as depersonalized as possible, but now that the number of hits has doubled from 800 to 1600 per day, I feel somewhat obligated to keep readers informed about my goings-on. So here’s an update, an anecdote, and a letter just in from Mother.

Update: I’ve finished reviewing Sally Suzuki’s The History of Modern Japanese Literary Criticism, A Play in Two Parts. I found it incredibly informative and moving, and I intend to post it as soon as I return from Sendai on Monday. (I'm actually hoping the boys over at Neojaponisme will let me post it on their site.)

Anecdote: Because my government scholarship is barely enough to survive on, I’m forced to teach English for 90 minutes every Saturday. Just thinking about it depresses me. Last week, my two students, a husband and wife, were in a bad mood and demanded that I “tell American joke!” I told them the only one I could remember on the spot. It is an old theological syllogism joke, and goes like this:
Me: OK, the Devil is greater than nothing, right?
Students: Right.
Me: And nothing is greater than God, right?
Student: You are correct. God is greatest.
Me: Therefore, the Devil is greater than God! Ha! . . . Get it?
[Awkward silence.]

I doubt they’ll ever come back. If anyone knows any “American joke,” please send.

Letter Just In From Mother:
Beholdmyswarthyface,

Honey, I just saw the results from this year’s Best of Japan Blog Awards. We can’t believe you didn’t win. We think there are ideological reasons behind their decision. I mean, come on, you weren’t even mentioned! Everyone knows your blog tops all the others. I was so angry I wrote a letter to the judges. The whole family is in a state of bewilderment.

Your mother,
Mother

Mother, that’s very kind of you. Your words encourage me to press on.

13 comments:

Ian Hogarth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ryan said...

Please keep it clean. All inappropriate comments will be promptly deleted.

Ian Hogarth said...

Worst theological syllogism joke ever.

Your Father, Tim said...

There's no way you have 1600 viewers a day, you lying sack of shit. You're really cruising for a bruising.

Ryan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Worst groundhog's day ever.

-Erika Wilder

Anonymous said...

He said "hits," Dad, not "viewers." There's a difference. Why don't you ever listen to us!?

-Brett

Humphrey D. Umpty said...

Blog counter!

Barry Obama said...

I like your vain and shallow personality but I hate your blog. Yes we can つくね!

Cynthia McCain said...

I can scarcely believe we ever let your paleo-pinko darkie hide in our home. Letter to mother my "right" eye. Hugs and dicks you swarthy lady-man.

Sid Barrette said...

From my favorite other blog BBC News:
There are many places a young man can go for romantic advice - friends, family, and if the worst comes to the worst, the internet.
Now, desperate bachelors, looking for a fresh perspective, are taking dating tips from a nine-year-old boy.
Alec Greven, from Colorado, is the author of How To Talk To Girls.
The book, which started as an elementary school project, has become a New York Times best-seller.
"I just observed around the playground how boys mess up and what mistakes they make," said Alec.
"A lot of boys made the wrong conversations or they couldn't get over it when a girl dumped them."
Role models
Alec believes showing interest is the key to winning a girl's heart.
He said: "Your goal is to make sure she does most of the talking so then you can't mess up."
In his book, Alec suggests that men find a cool role model to base their behaviour on.
However, he warns against pursuing A-list females.

"The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember some pretty girls are cold-hearted when it comes to boys," he said.
Radio 1 Newsbeat invited Alec to demonstrate his chat up technique on 22-year-old Kristina Sorge from California.
Alec said: "Have you, um, seen that episode of Star Wars or something. I heard there's like a new episode of Star Wars?"
Kristina replied: "You know, I've seen all of the Star Wars movies. The old ones and the new ones."
Asking her out
Alec: "Have you seen the Indiana Jones movie?"
Kristina: "I've seen the old one."
Alec: "It's really good."
After a strong, movie-based start, Alec's chat dwindles a little.

Alec's best-selling book started life as a project at school
However, he insists it's easy to move the conversation on.
He said: "If I was older, maybe I would ask her, do you want to go out somewhere?"
Kristina's verdict? "I think that he's on his game. His advice is great. He'd need to add about 10 years though," she said.
Alec also offers advice for when relationships don't work out so well.
On breaking-up, he said: "You say something like, 'I don't think this is really going to work but would you like to be friends'."
On being dumped, he replied: "I say, life is hard, move on. If you can't get over it, it's ruined."
Despite his junior love-guru status, Alec says there are no ladies in his life, aside from his mother.
"I'm a little too young for all that dating and everything," he said.
Alec is working on several follow-ups to How To Talk To Girls.
How To Talk To Moms, How To Talk To Dads and How To Talk To Grandparents are already in the pipeline.

Kurt Banes said...

Behold!! my swarthy protools

MARISSA DOUBLENAME said...

Also don't let your head get inflated, 800-1600 of those daily hits are from my dying mother.
And Josh Landaars.