Monday, August 31, 2009

Beholdmyswarthyface, Now Servicing the Blind

This just in from Sally Suzuki, Beholdmyswarthyface Media Director:
I've been getting a lot of requests recently from the blind. They heard about the blog from friends, and want us to include text-to-voice software in each of our posts. Above is a sample (taken from here) of what it will sound like. We plan to finish converting all of our posts by September 15.


Taylor Graham said...


finally, all of my blind friends will stop asking me to read's updates to them everyday. you are such a jackass.

Anonymous said...

Sally Suzuki,

Don't they need to see to push the text-to-speech button?

-Joanne Pesti

Anonymous said...


Technically, yes. But in most cases their governesses push the button for them.

-Sally Suzuki, Beholdmyswarthyface Media Director

Anonymous said...

Since when do the blind have governesses?

-Clayton Voolif

Taylor Graham said...

correction: there should not be a "k" after Beholdmyswarthyface.

Tom said...

Our web site for our new company Diablo Translations is finally up, guys and gals.


Keleigh Woods said...

OMG, I haven't laughed this hard since Edward Forty Hands.

Anonymous said...

Who's Edward Forty Hands?

-Cniva Albinus

Anonymous said...


You will never be your name-- this "Beholdmyswarthyface"--, you never have been, even when, and especially when you have answered to it. The name is made to do without the life of the bearer, and is therefore always somewhat the name of someone dead.

-Roger Perse

Anonymous said...

Hey . . . is the girl in the picture really listening to Beholdmyswarthyface, just like it says?


Anonymous said...

i lied.

the site is actually:

go there now.


Sakura Suzuki said...

Thank you for the submission,

We are currently processing you application. In order to fully access
your qualifications please answer our online application and include a
full-body photo of yourself.

SAO Institute
Director of Admission
Sakura Suzuki