Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Behold This Swarthy Face"

This just in from Joey Stromberg:

Beholdmyswarthyface,

Thought I should let you know you're mentioned in this dude's recent blog post. The dude also translates Walt Whitman's "Behold This Swarthy Face" into Japanese.

Whitman's original (1900):

Behold this swarthy face, these gray eyes,
This beard, the white wool unclipt upon my neck,
My brown hands and the silent manner of me without charm;
Yet comes one a Manhattanese and ever at parting kisses me lightly
on the lips with robust love,
And I on the crossing of the street or on the ship's deck give a
kiss in return,
We observe that salute of American comrades land and sea,
We are those two natural and nonchalant persons.

The dude's translation (2009):

この浅黒い顔を見よ、この灰色の目を、
この髭を、この首の白いまとめられていない羊毛を、
私の茶色い手、惹きつけるもののない静かな仕草を
またマンハンタンの者が来て最後のお別れのキスを
軽く唇にする、揺るぎない愛を込めて、
そして交差点か船のデッキにいる私は
お返しにキスを送る
私たちはアメリカの同志の大地と海の挨拶を見る
私たちは2人の自然でノンシャランな人間だ
Not half bad. I did, however, take the liberty of replacing his 「無関心」 with 「ノ ンシャラン」, which seems closer to the original "nonchalant." (If you're thinking, "duh," I should remind you of the fallacy of translingual homographic equivalency). I hope the dude doesn't mind.

-Joey Stromberg

P.S. Oh, and this for the blind:


8 comments:

Marissa Antha, et. al. said...

The fallacy of what? Is that for real?

Tommy Matsuzaki said...

More shameless self-promotion from Beholdmyswarthyface. 恥知れよ、まじで。

Anonymous said...

That was very considerate of Joey to include in his message a text-to-speech for the blind.

catch22 said...

Off course I don't mind your modification. Rather appreciate your mentioning and correction. I know I'm not good at Japanese-English translation and even Japanese itself yet.

Beholdmyswarthyface said...

Wow! You're English is great! Do I know you?

catch22 said...

No, you don't know me. I happened to see your blog from no-sword.jp or neojaponisme.com, which also I don't know in person. I'm interested in your Japanese literature stuff and, off course, Aozora Bunko Translation Project because I don't know about Japanese literature as much as you do.

Anonymous said...

"nonchalant"は、日本語だと「飄々とした」という言葉がちょうど合っている気がします。

Beholdmyswarthyface said...

OK, Catch22. I'll keep you posted. And Anonymous, thanks for the suggestion. I think I'll go with 飄々とした.